2002-12-02 - 6:30 am

I did a bad thing over Thanksgiving. I was busted trying to steal a thousand count bottle of codeine from my father's "study" (read: den of debauchery.) This begs the question: what the hell is my dad doing with a thousand count bottle of codeine?

I'm ashamed of myself. I hadn't seen my folks in over half a year. My moms bought me some Balenciaga trousers. Even after I stole the codeine. What kind of message am I being sent?

Like any good poorly assimilated Chinese family, we had hot pot for Thanksgiving. Hot pot is, as the name describes, a big pot of hot water into which you dip noodles, fishcakes and the like. What marked this as a special occasion was that rather than eating hot pot on the coffee table in front of a T.V.playing, say, Titanic, or Forrest Gump, we ate hot pot at the breakfast table.

Besides being fucked up and getting in trouble all weekend, I played lots of pool. My brother was pretty modest while he whooped my ass. My father, who is, like me, compulsively competitive and who claims to have spent more hours in the pool hall than in medical school classes took over what I meant to be a solo practice session. He proceeded to be very vocal while whooping my ass, which I thought rather obnoxious since I'm a relative newcomer to pool. He was too smug, though, and in one of the most satisfying wins of my life, I came back from five balls behind to beat him.

I'm Audi 5000.